Did you ever see the like? And if you claim you saw it coming, then there’d be smoke coming out of your lie detecting machine. “Nobody. Saw. That. Coming,” as an ashen-faced Mark Pougatch confirmed on ITV come half-time, Brian O’Driscoll standing beside him wearing the look of a man who suspected he might have been hallucinating. “I. Am. In. Shock,” as he put it.
By the time Tommy O’Brien scored Ireland’s third try, 30 minutes not yet on the clock, Donal Lenihan, over on RTÉ, had reached the giddy phase. Not that too many of us have ever had the actual experience, but it must be a little like when your lotto numbers keep coming out of the drum and the thrill of it all has you giggling manically.
That’s kind of how Donal was, no more than the rest of us, when Robert Baloucoune sent O’Brien on his merry way. By now, the nation would have been black and blue from pinching itself.
“It’s like a graveyard in here,” Donal hollered gleefully. “There’s the Fields of Athenry now! The chariot has broken down!”
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It had too. Ireland led 22-7 at half-time. Repeat: 22-7 up at half-time. And their rugby had, on occasion, been of the champagne variety. The obituaries, we now all had to concede, had been penned a touch too hastily.
“It’s like a training session for them, it’s beeeeeeeeautiful to watch,” Simon Zebo beamed. “It has been ELECTRIC,” Stephen Ferris swooned. Jamie Heaslip was close enough to speechless, his jaw resting on the Twickenham turf.
And apart from Simon, who had some hope in his heart, the RTÉ panel hadn’t been overflowing with confidence prematch. Bernard Jackman, for example, put the wind up us by pointing out how rubbish the Irish scrum had been of late. “This English pack, they’ll be licking their lips like a front row at an all-you-can-eat buffet, we need to make sure the kitchen is closed early doors.”
Well, after the break, Ireland continued to feast on England, Dan Sheehan’s try wrapping up a bonus point almost as soon as they left the dressingroom. And there was Princess Kate, sitting up in the Twickenham stands, thinking the week couldn’t get any worse.
Hugh Cahill tempted fate, of course, by suggesting that “England are not in this fight at all”, at which point Ollie Lawrence scored a try for them, no doubt prompting Donal to give his colleague a humongous dig in the ribs. But Jamie Osborne’s try ... sure look it, we were looking down at cloud nine at that stage.
“Wow! What a day! What a performance! England lost! Ireland reborn!” Only one thing could have made Donal any happier and that was the sight of, say, a six-foot-four-inch-18-stone Stuart McCloskey pursuing Marcus Smith a bit like a lion might hunt a gazelle as Smith approached the line for a consolation try, only for McCloskey to lick his lips, like he was at an all-you-can-eat buffet, before snaring the England fullback and dining on him.
It might only be February, but the award for 2026’s sporting moment of the year is already wrapped up. (Unless Troy Parrott scores an injury-time winner in the World Cup final). “Paul O’Connell didn’t even celebrate like that when we won the Grand Slam, that’s the most excited I’ve ever seen him,” said BOD of the McCloskey moment. Andy Farrell responded to it by punching the daylights out of the London air, the fella evidently enjoying it as much – probably more – as any of Ireland’s five tries. It was, after all, a reasonable demonstration of intent.
“To come to Twickenham and put up a cricket score like that …?” ‘Ah here’ was the gist of Simon’s reaction to the loveliness of it all. “It’s a bit of a dream,” said Stephen. “Two weeks ago we were really negative ... the kicking game ... we were really poor in the air ... two weeks later, we’re playing unbelievable attractive rugby, and everyone’s back positive again – we’re back.” Jamie? His jaw was still on the floor.
Later in the day, Joe Molloy had a pertinent question for Andrew Trimble over on Virgin Media. “WHAT HAPPENED?!” “Predictions,” Andrew concluded, “are pointless any more. It was a performance for the ages.”
That it was.
