The Bells! The Bells!
It’s bad enough having to listen to some of the stuff politicians come out with, but those infernal bells are the head-wreckers of Leinster House.
Loudly summoning TDs and Senators to votes and sittings, they are a necessary part of parliamentary life. But this incessant binging and bonging, dinging and donging in every corner of the place does not make for easy listening.
There has to be a way to make it less melojian and more melody.
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As Margaret Thatcher (and St Francis) once famously said: “Where there is discord, may we bring harmony.”
And hopefully, harmony may soon find an unlikely home in Leinster House.
Fianna Fáil’s Malcolm Byrne wrote to the Ceann Comhairle last month suggesting that the Oireachtas might consider appointing a composer-in-residence.
“I would envision this as a short scholarship, ideally for an emerging composer and that he or she would be charged with developing a short piece of music that recognises democracy in Ireland.”
He said they could also look at the division bells “to see if more pleasant sounds could be found”, pointing out that some people who are neurodivergent have reacted quite badly to them when visiting.
There is precedence for this. The Dutch parliament recently appointed a composer-in-residence and is examining how to improve the bells. In 2024, the Tweede Kamer (lower house) published a playlist of the favourite songs of each of the 150 members of parliament and made it available on Spotify.
We could probably do without that.
Malcolm received a reply from the Ceann Comhairle’s office this week and the proposal is due for consideration by the Houses of the Oireachtas Commission.
He’s delighted.
“This would be such a great way of recognising a young composer. The Oireachtas often commissions paintings and other artworks, which is right. But given that we are the only country in the world with a musical instrument as our national symbol, this would be a fitting way for parliament to mark Ireland’s rich tradition and love of music,” he said.
“I hope we can have some cross-party singing from the same hymn sheet on this.”
Three official bells currently assault the senses. There is the deep yet strangely tinny Dáil dong; there is the higher bing-bong of the Seanad bell (known as the Cuckoo) and there is the Committee bell which sounds like a tormented angel going mental on the harp – a celestial one as opposed to the lager.
Oh, and the unofficial fourth bell is the sound of Danny Healy-Rae’s Nokia going rogue in the chamber.
Unparliamentary language
We really do need more harmony. Why can’t everyone just get along?
We hear that Sinn Féin TD Mark Ward got a rap on the knuckles this week from the Committee on Parliamentary Privileges and Oversight after his outburst of unparliamentary verbals in the Dáil chamber late last year.
Back in December, Sinn Féin got into a routine slagging match with Minister for Media Patrick O’Donovan when he was standing in for Tánaiste Simon Harris at Leaders’ Questions.
The row was over proposed charges for medication blister packs in January – something which, like the ongoing SNA controversy, is “paused” for now.
Sinn Féin’s Matt Carthy was standing in for his deputy Dáil leader, Pearse Doherty, who specialises in getting into shouting matches with the Tánaiste.
While O’Donovan and Carthy tried to outdo Doherty and Harris, Sinn Féin deputies heckled along with gusto and were still roaring when time ran out. Leas-Cheann Comhairle John McGuinness tried to shut them down.
“I’m not prepared to join you in the shouting match that goes on every Thursday morning,” he declared as Labour TDs, waiting for their turn, complained about the antics.
“Take the Dáil seriously,” cried Ged Nash, as the chair called on both sides to conduct themselves.
With order restored and many Sinn Féin TDs on their feet and leaving the chamber, Conor Sheehan rose to speak. The Labour TD thanked the Leas-Cheann Comhairle for “calling out” the behaviour.
“I mean, this is Dáil Éireann; it’s not Kilmallock cattle mart and every Thursday we’re treated to the same thing ...”
The departing Shinners protested on the hoof.
“You’d want to get into it yourself, then ... you f***ing muppet,” shouted back the departing Mark Ward.
Ged Nash gesticulated at the chair. “Hey, hey, excuse me, excuse me ... did you hear that, Leas Ceann Comhairle, did you hear that? He referred to my colleague in unparliamentary terms. That needs to be withdrawn immediately.”
Which was not possible, as the culprit was gone.
Ged fulminated to no avail. “Outrageous.”
John McGuinness said he didn’t hear the remark.
“I did,” said Ged.
“I heard it,” said Conor.
In which case, said John, they could make a complaint to the Ceann Comhairle and “we will have the matter dealt with”.
A complaint was duly made and, this week, the committee dispatched a letter to Mark Ward seeking an apology.
It must be something in the water in Dublin Mid-West. Paul Gogarty, the Independent TD and former Green Party member of “F*** You, Deputy Stagg, F*** you!” infamy, is a constituency colleague.
Speaking out of turn
More disharmony. This time from last summer and this time involving not one, but two complaints.
We know not the outcome.
In July, during Questions on Policy and Legislation, Ruth Coppinger of Solidarity asked the Taoiseach about the employment status of convicted murderer James Kilroy, a park ranger with the National Parks & Wildlife Service, who killed his wife Valerie French at their Mayo home in 2019.
She asked if he was still on the State payroll.
Not satisfied with the reply, she continued to press for an answer as Michael Collins, the leader of Independent Ireland, was trying to get going.
He told her it was his turn and to let him speak.
The deputy for Dublin West persisted. “Well, I know you don’t care about women’s rights, but I’m allowed to ask a question.”
The deputy for Cork South West wasn’t budging either.
“I didn’t interrupt up when you were speaking,” he told her. “Sit down please, we’re talking. Sit down please and know ...” – he corrected himself – “ ... could you ever learn your place in this building?”
“Unbelievably rude,” she retorted.
Ruth wrote to the Ceann Comhairle the following morning to register a complaint against Michael Collins “for sexist behaviour and comments in the Dáil chamber”, quoting what he said “while I was finishing my interaction with the Taoiseach”.
“The comment to ‘learn your place’ is deeply sexist and misogynistic,” she wrote, describing it as an unacceptable expression with a history of demeaning women and “linked to confining women to certain narrow gendered roles”.
This was a “clear breach” of the Dáil rules against “offensive expressions” and sexist language and she requested the Ceann Comhairle to take “appropriate action”.
Michael Collins hit back with a complaint of his own the following week.
He wished “to formally raise” his concern about Ruth’s conduct during the aforementioned Dáil session.
He outlined how he was called upon to speak but couldn’t due to “repeated and sustained” interruptions from Coppinger who “shouted across the floor and over my speaking time”.
As a result, his one-minute opportunity to ask a serious and considered question was “significantly disrupted” but “thankfully” he was able ask the Taoiseach about the water situation in the Beara Peninsula in the end.
He accepted saying “in the moment” that the deputy should know her place and observe the rules of the Chamber “not as a personal slight but as a reflection of the broader principle that all Members must allow each other the opportunity to speak when recognised by the chair”.
He added it wasn’t the first time she’s done this.
Since the incident, Michael disclosed he became aware of a video “made by deputy Coppinger” which was circulating “baseless and damaging and false accusations of misogyny, sexism and transphobia not only against me, but against my party colleagues and the wider party itself”.
He asked that the matter be addressed through “the appropriate channels”.
Never a dull moment.
Taking the credit
Another outbreak of Tar Wars was inevitable when Minister for Transport Darragh O’Brien announced details of the Government’s €1.5 billion roads programme for this year.
As soon as Darragh launched the plan for national, regional and local networks, Government TDs all around the country got to work claiming the credit for planned improvements in their constituencies.
Naturally, the Healy-Raes in Kerry were in like lightning to bask in the Kingdom’s glory because they are the ones with the power to deliver the goods, now that they are supporting the Government.
Minister of State Michael Healy-Rae had a press release out in jig time, hailing the new national programme and congratulating the senior Minister and his two juniors for their marvellous work. Usually, Kerry didn’t figure, even if his “tar, tar, tar” mantra was in the top line.
But slick operator Michael didn’t get it all his own way this time.
He appeared the following morning on Radio Kerry and wasn’t behind the door in claiming how the Healy-Raes, now with added influence in Government, were the prime movers in the soon-to-be renaissance of Kerry’s road system.
He also managed to get in the proposed changes to the special needs assistants (SNAs) system, which caused such political upheaval this week. The review of SNAs has now been paused.
“And with this situation, I went to Government and I said this was wrong,” he told Gerry O’Sullivan on Kerry Today. “I’m glad that they’re stalling now and that there’s a hole put in this.”
Modest to the last.
Meanwhile, his constituency and Coalition colleague, Fianna Fáil’s Michael Cahill, called out the Healy-Raes on their grandiose claims, issuing a statement to local media stressing it was made patently clear to MHR during government formation talks that no constituency deals would be done with the Healy-Raes.
“When he sought such deals, Minister Jack Chambers made this crystal clear to him. The Taoiseach and the Tánaiste have made it crystal clear time and time again to him,” he said.
And then he exquisitely twisted the knife. “What he did receive in return for his support of the Government was a junior ministerial job with special responsibility for forestry, no more, no less.”
It was time for Michael and Danny to accept that it is a Fianna Fáil-led Government, under a Fianna Fáil Taoiseach and a Fianna Fáil senior Minister for Transport which “has allocated this massive county-wide allocation for Kerry”.
Tar barrel politics at its finest.
In a video made just after the announcement, Cahill described the €33 million funding package for Kerry as “phenomenal”.
Sadly for him, Cahill won’t be able to enjoy the benefits of the road improvements for a while. Last month he was fined €500 and disqualified from driving for two years after being convicted for travelling at 190km/h on a motorway. He also stepped down from the Justice committee.
“This is an embarrassment for me,” he said at the time. “I’m annoyed at myself.”
